Paint Connoisseur Pillows

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

bird interprets modern art

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

The Death Of Venus

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."