Painkiller Pro Gifts

"Numb yet?"

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

Baby sucks cork on Australian's bush hat.

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

If it makes you feel any better, I'm retaining junk food.

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

"He's beginning to find that homeworking is much harder than he thought."

'Finally some good news about out new vitamin pill!'

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

Footballer.

The team leader conserved energy at odd moments.

"Er...Eric..."

'The England players couldn't stop scoring when they were practising penalties. . .But that might have been because they were practising with a goalkeeper who couldn't save them.'

Three people waiting in a queue.

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

Taxi in congestion - Thank you for not getting out and walking

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

"I'd kill for 500 milligrams of naproxen."

R Prescriptions

"Rough Flight?"

'Ooh, that's better!'

"I can't wait that long."

"Try not to anticipate trouble, Miss Mead."

"We're out of the 500 mg size."