Oxymoron Aficionado Gifts

"Care for an oxymoron?"

In Case of Broken Glass. . . Break Glass.

"No son, American English isn't redundant; it's an oxymoron."

Punctuation Police

Ideas Ahead of their Time

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

Jack in the Box

Two love poems in swimming pool. Shallow end and deep end.

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

Odd Spas

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

Roman playing croquet under aqueducts.

Lumberjack's Dog

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

'My startup could really use a pioneer type like you.'

Poet

Apostrophe, Aopstropher, Apostrothem.

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

Misread medical policy.

"They've deployed their new missile defense system."

David takes down Goliath using a nano-satellite.

Downtown Express Turned Stagecoach As Two Cowboys Ride On The Front

A'sk me about my problem with apo'strophe's.

Why the long face?

'...but what else am I supposed to do between 9 and 5 on a weekday?'

"Why is it always me? What's wrong with Edward or Siegfried or Elizabeth or Margaret? But no! It's always 'Katie bar the door!'"

"I want a second opinion."

"I'm going to knock you on your Axe!!"

You've been getting too much sun, Icarus.

'If the global economy goes bust, there's a middle east war, and ocean levels rise. . .our 'Armageddon fund' will do just fine.'