Oxymoron Enthusiast Gifts

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Ideas Ahead of their Time

Optimist

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Hot Pocket"

"That's weird. The app says to look for a Nissan Sentra."

'Are we having fun yet?'

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Orthopaedist

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Care for an oxymoron?"

John Newman

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

'Goodness me, Graham! I didn't think you had musical bone in your body!'

Roman playing croquet under aqueducts.

Backdoor

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"It's a forgery, alright! And by the looks of it... a fairly recent one."

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

"My mind is still on vacation."

"Da, I know what opprobrium means."/ "That's great, son. Do you know anyone else who does?"

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

Hunter Gatherer of the Month.

'My startup could really use a pioneer type like you.'