Overstay Observer Pillows

I had hoped to file a missing persons report by now, but he won't leave.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Two airplanes

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"It's a turkey vulture, and it's got something big. Honey, where's Delia?"

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Bat

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Holiday Overkill.

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'I was married to my job, until I recognized it as a co-dependent relationship.'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

'I'm sorry to say that one among you is not pulling his weight... I don't think it's necessary to name names.'

"As you can see our policy on overdrafts has changed."

Suicide by overeating.

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

"He's so posh...!"

"Ah, Mr. Small. . . come in and let's discuss your request for an overdraft."

Notice! Management hates to see associates working overtime. So, please keep your doors closed. Thanks!

"No, I'm not wearing a black sweater. My black cat sheds a lot."

'You've heard of a couch potato? Well he's a mouse potato.'

'I've come to the conclusion, Harvey, that you, are your own worst enemy.'

'Seven billion people - and every one of them a potential purchaser of my book 'The Population Timebomb.''

"Doctor, I just can't keep anything to myself..."

"Your twitter account is phenomenal. Each tweet is limited to 140 characters, but it seems much longer."

'Let's stay in, have a quiet dinner, and creep our kids facebook pages.'

Coronavirus Forecast

Piers Morgan says what we're all thinking.

"I said it's not often one gets one's chimney swept by a person with a B.A. from Sarah Lawrence."

"Did you notice anything else about the man who tripped you – other than he was short and beginning to go bald?"