Oversize Enthusiast Pillows

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Welcome to Everest! No Loitering.

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

SWOTs

"I'm sick and tired of black."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

"I'm so confident that when I climb a ladder."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

Son measuring his father against the wall.

"You need to take it easier henderson. You're working yourself into the ground"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Tightrope Walker.

Tossing for it.

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

Office furniture solutions.

'Oh, he's just my son here for bring your kid to work day.'

"Fake."

Man on stilts on a date.

'Hope you like the oversized furniture. It helps me feel young.'

"Would Madam like to try it outside for wolf whistles?"

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'What it like being able to jump so high?'

'It seems like only yesterday that Sharon was knee high!'

'You just grew three inches.'

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

'You should just buy them - and never look back.'