Over-communicator Pillows

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Don't even think about it."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Mime marriage.

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"The etchings are in the library."

Stop Human Footing