Outfit Optimizer Gifts

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Do you have it in slim fit?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

The ROI on social media was not yet optimized.

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

The Devolution of Man

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

"I've had enough of character building, Dad. Can I support a successful team now?"

Cut out and keep your own Wardrobe Assistant.

Kids' energy levels

Avoidance of Situation/Work required to succeed.

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

"Well, Mr. Hicks, your resume looks quite impressive and of course, the fact that you can sniff out truffles is a plus!"

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

'I don't know anything about anything, but I'm great at looking stuff up!'

Womens dressing rooms.

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

'I can take out some of the padding if I appear overqualified.'

The Joy of Recession