Outdoor Store Clerk T-Shirts

"Do you have one with a nose trimmer?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A man sitting in the grass reading

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

University Book Store.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Which is the genetically modified corn?"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'Do you have any duck tape?'

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

A plunger in an outhouse

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"