Shop Clerk T-Shirts

'Excuse me!..D'you work here?'

'Our prices are drastically marked down from their drastic markup!'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'Give me a hundred valentines cards.'

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

'You really need one of these! It's the latest craze!'

'Stopped a shoplifter yesterday. Caught him red-handed.'

'You want how many handbags?'

'Spending two hours chatting to your friend Alice about her boyfriend is not what we mean by 'customer care' even if she did once buy some tights from the shop!'

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

Sex Shop

"Possibly the giraffe print?"

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

Shop clerk neglects to watch the till when checking for fake money.

"It's a wrap!"

"Price check on register four."

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"These kitchen shears are great for cutting plastic packaging. . . like the packaging they come in."

"Sorry about the wet money, but I've been keeping it in my underwear. I have found that it really discourages theft."

"If you don't give us your email address we show up at your house."

"If you're paying with cash I'll need a valid driver's license and your social security number."

"Great! - The new snake has arrived. . . !"

"Excuse me. Where can I find the invisible tape?"

Man at shopping till surrounded by giants.

How much would you take off for cash?

'LOVE that hint of sarcasm in your ‘HAVE A GREAT DAY!''

"It's not just one incident - several of our customers have expressed their concern about your negative vibes."

'Could you PLEASE go and do that somewhere else?'

'Bit under the weather Mildred? Better pick a card from stock and go home.'

Three-legged lady in shoe shop

'Oh great. Someone forgot to put clothes on the mannequin. I can't do it. It's always so embarrassing.'

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

'I suppose you say that it fits like a glove because it covers his hands!'