Retail Clerk T-Shirts

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

'Our dignity was the first thing to go.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'This 3D TV you sold me doesn't work.'

"My grocery bill was so high, I thought it included the electric shopping scooter."

Service with a Smile - Subject to Availability

"...Well, I don't know. The sign's obscured, so I suppose it could say anything."

"You guys have sold me wrong parts three times! Your ad says 'Auto y Rod employees are the friendliest experts in town.' What can we do about this?"

"$119? I can get this on the internet for $36!"

"Excuse me! These were on sale for $5.99 yesterday. Can I buy it at yesterday's price?"

'It's no problem. Our union consists of retail clerks, cooks AND bail bondsmen!'

'I have this gift certificate I want to use. For the balance, I'll give you a store credit and what cash I have, and then I'll have to put the rest on my credit card. But if my credit card won't go through, I'll just write a check.'

'I'm afraid this parrot is mute.'

'He's returning the Madeira because it's maderized.'

'I always seem to be straightening...I wonder if my mother is secretly sending in customers.'

'This is our latest hound's tooth pattern.'

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

'You weren't supposed to open it before you paid for it.'

'Our company president, Mr. Tink, will be visiting our store this week. I want everything to be perfect. That means everything where it belongs.'

"Finally...shift's over. What a hard day."

'Can I get a refund if we break up before Valentine's Day?'

"Size 16? Sorry, I thought you said 61."

'No, no white wine, just a couple cases of '64 Chateau Beychevelle back there between the beans and the diapers - five bucks each.'

Mega Store. You put bridal gifts in the plumbing section? Sure, the sign says "sinks, tubs and showers"!

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"It's our way of saying, 'Thank you for shopping at Wilson's.' "

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'She's so put together!'