Sports Store Clerk T-Shirts

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

A man sitting in the grass reading

'They're bound to hurt at first.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

University Book Store.

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

How much would you take off for cash?

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'For us, buying shoes is like buying one drink with two straws, hahaha!'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'My barbie's got a hot date she needs some slag-rags.'

Book Store. Information. In what section would I find guides to government regulations? "Books on Red Tape".

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"