Outdoor Conversationalist Gifts

Man talking to a tree.

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

'Hey dude, just got the SMS of the Wild...'

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

The Schmoozy Reaper

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it.".... "Then your illegal logging business is a success."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

Tomorrow's our first eco club meeting. Yeah, I'm nervous! There are so many big issues!

A Salmon Lie

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'I drink to bring about change.'

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'Do they put up signs that say, 'Do not feed the moose.'?...'

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

'I love your bangs.'

Subway. The economy is surging! I hope protections are in place. In a digital world, a surge can lead to a system crash.

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"