Outdoor Conversationalist Pillows

Man talking to a tree.

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

'Hey dude, just got the SMS of the Wild...'

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

The Schmoozy Reaper

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it.".... "Then your illegal logging business is a success."

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

A Salmon Lie

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'I drink to bring about change.'

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'Do they put up signs that say, 'Do not feed the moose.'?...'

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

'I love your bangs.'

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'