Field Conversationalist Pillows

Talk about agricultural work.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

A lesson in wit

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'