Bilingual Conversationalist Pillows

"I cannot let American culture hijack this household! We must stick to the values and traditions that have been handed down through the generations! From now on, when you get off the phone...you have to say 'Ciao!'"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

Bla Bla Bla

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'

'How are you keeping?'

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."