Ottoman Empire Fan Pillows

'I take it then that levelling the Balkans first is not an option?'

'I was something of a young Turk myself, once.'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Hadrian's Wall

The Fall of Gnome

Disraeli Stands for 'British Interests' Against Russian Expansionism

Olly really didn't know his arse from his elbow.

"Vernon likes an element of danger in a water feature..."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

"Efficiency tombs available"

Drunk Vampire

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

Candle Size

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

The de-friending of Julius Caesar

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."

'What Caesar doesn't understand is that all politics is local!'

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

Britain in 410AD

Vampire practical jokes.

Piano eight hands.

Hadrian's Fence

News of the Day - Dissolution - 'Will it Break? Will it not break?'

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

Monster Roller Coaster

'I don't see the problem.'

Gladstone's message that the British people would not support Turkey against Russia in the Balkans

'It appears the empire really is declining and falling.'

Christian lions

Heat Wave Podium

"How come you look SO young for your age...?"