Oscar Night Fan Gifts

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

You must be this tall.

'It's not just any old rucksack Nathan. Nasa's entire spring collection is built around this baby.'

Tom Hanks

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Martin Scorsese

Barbie Oscars

Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland

May I have the envelope, please?

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

Alicia Vikander

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

Djargo.

Ellen Page

Noir kitty.

"Something nocturnal."

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

NASA, 'All the tests check out -- we're on a huge pinata!'

Sir Oliver Murgatroyd

Oscar Victory

Will Smith's Oscar

On the red carpet

Geoffrey Rush

"And the Oscar for best wardrobe in a film based on a 17th century picaresque novel goes to..."

'Why didn't you tell me there was a toilet attachment on our space suits?'

The Oscars

'Every time you eat lotus, an hour later you forget.'

'...And now the award for best performance by a politician trying to improve his or her poll numbers...'

Will Smith's Oscar

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

'Whatever Dad: I don't give a hoot!'

350-million-miles from earth but now right in our living rooms.