Ornament Collecting Pillows

Ernie loves to decorate his Christmas tree. He starts by untangling and testing a string of lights. Every year he makes new popcorn and cranberry garlands. He has to find the right spot for each family heirloom ornament. Now, should I finish it off with Johnny Depp or Beyonce? Ernie has his own idea about putting a star on top!

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Christmas Tree

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Soldiers' Ego

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Knight school.

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

Watering can helmet.

Knight walking his pet armadillo.

Haunted museum

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

Butterfly Woman

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

Poetry Knight

Battle.

"Let's not go to bed angry."

Weak Knights

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

Panzer Hut.

"Where'd you get the business mitts?"

Vladimir Putin offers Uncle Sam a bauble with Donald Trump's head on it.

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

The Official Talking Christmas Tree in Dress For Excess

How many times do I have to remind you to empty your pockets before doing laundry?

Rifle Cleaning.