Option Ponderer Pillows

Vending machine has options of THIS, THAT, HEM HAW.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

business

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

Have you seen my money?

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"We apparently exceeded our expectations but, do any of you remember what they were?"