Optimistic Operator Gifts

'Oh quit complaining, Thomas...at least we got a loaner!'

"It's too hot in here. Can you turn up the air conditioner?"

The Jeopardy of Progress

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

' ... and I'd like to thank the Academy.'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

Woman holding two phones together.

"Put me back on hold! That song - 'We're in the money' - put me in a really good mood!"

'Yes, those were grown with love. Now, these here, on the other hand, were grown with a love gone wrong.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

In case of urge to tidy up, clean glass.

Investments Cock-Eyed Optimists.

'The new incentive scheme seems to be working.'

'I have a way of making £1000 from an investment of £10. Trouble is where do I get £10?'

He's the most obsessively neat captain I've ever worked for --- He has a dustbuster instead of a hook.

Instant winner trash can

"Or you could see it as the first step in an environmentally friendly, sustainable and affordable self-build project!"

"Yes, but it's naturally toxic."

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

'They've been rehearsing your surgery.'

'Yes, Operator, I'm holding.'

"Try to cheer your surgeon up. He's lost four patients this morning."

He's the type that gives racing a bad name!

Overly optimistic and overly pessimistic executives

'We lost everything - hot dogs, popcorn, game programs, an order of nachos. Got out of our seats with just the clothes on our backs, but we're both OK, and that's what matters most.'