Opinion Virtuoso Gifts

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It's a play on words."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

An informed voter is a good voter

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Thesaurus Company

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'All in favor of my idea say 'Aye.' All opposed, say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' ten times real fast.'

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Like many kids, Bobby had an imaginary friend. Unfortunately for Bobby, he was a critic.

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

Bookworm group

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

'I'm afraid the motion has been carried and you lost.'

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

When English majors become waiters.