Ophthalmology Gifts

'I'm sure that using this new sign we will triple the sales of eye glasses.'

"Harry, the glaucoma machine needs adjusting again!"

"Jessica could you call Tech Support and ask when the lazer was last calibrated please?"

'Don't worry...you'll grow into them.'

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

"Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. I'd like you to see another specialist. His office is closer to the eye chart."

Lionel had a lazy eye.

'Have you tried removing the blindfold?'

'You aren't taking your vision health seriously, Mr. Scott.'

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'Your vision is great. It's the luck of the Iris.'

"You have a left distal prismatic distortion with a cylindrical f1 of -0.25,double astigmatism and a right eye spherical axis bias - in short Mr Wormold,you're as blind as a bat."

At the McWit Eye Labs are two doors, 'Control Group' and 'Out of Control Group.'

"Why do I think you need glasses, Mr. Jones? For one thing...the chart is over this way!"

'OK, now text the third line.'

"No, Mr. Jones. It's only 20/20 vision if you read it from the seat, back there."

'That's how I look before I put on my glasses.'

Marooned Optometrist

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'You've haed the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

'Oh stop complaining. Now you only need to use the eye drops once a week.'

"Come back when you're sober, and we'll see if you still have that double vision."

'Any chance of a discount for quantity?'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

Ancient Egyptian eye tests.

OMG.

Guy in Opthamology Store Room getting Evil Eyeballs.

'This retinal camera is great, but at the price you'd think they'd include a cup holder!'

"Stop, don't move - I've dropped a contact lens"

'I've got to go to an eye doctor. I can now only see the present, not the past and the future.'

"The moment you walked through that door, I could tell you needed glasses."

'My, what abnormal reflexes you have.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"Is this the ophthalmology convention?"

"I need help with my vision - all the desert mirages I see are starting to look really blurry!"