Ophthalmologist Gifts

'Good memory. Now turn around and let's try it again. I've put the chart on the opposite wall since your last visit.'

E-Y-E patients only.

'Even if everyone does say you're blind, sir, I still have to examine you myself.'

"E"

'No, it doesn't connect to an X-box!'

'In my opinion your blurred vision is caused by the axe in your head. But you may want a second opinion.'

'When you said this was an eye examination for Macular Degeneration, I didn't think you meant an actual exam!'

Concern had been expressed over some practitioners of 'laser eye surgery'.

'I'm getting old: I can still spot a rabbit a kilometre away, but I can't read the newspaper anymore...'

'I'm sure that using this new sign we will triple the sales of eye glasses.'

'Ha ha... Very funny!'

"My laser eye surgery was expensive but worth every penny."

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

'This retinal camera is great, but at the price you'd think they'd include a cup holder!'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

'So much for the 'Eye of the Tiger'.'

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

Fortune Teller and Ophthalmologists: 'See the Future' and 'See the Present.'

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

'No, Meester Bond... I expect it to cure your astigmatism'

"Harry, the glaucoma machine needs adjusting again!"

Man reads subliminal message during eye test.

'Pretty Good Laser Eye Surgery, Half the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the bit of blurriness that's left.'

'One letter at a time.'

No Parking. Violators will have their cataracts reinserted.

'Mr. Janus, your hand sight is far better than your fore sight.'

"According to this test, your hindsight is 20-20."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

Dr. Reynolds finally realizes what he puts his patients through as he and his wife look at paint swatches.

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

'Well, yes, sometimes there can be side effects to laser eye surgery!'

Cat Eye-Exam

"I'm prescribing stronger glasses for you, and I recommend a neck brace for your smartphone use."