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"Can you put one in him, he's an MP."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Say, please.'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Anatomy.

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

He really puts his heart into it!

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'