Open-air Philosopher Gifts

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

No Immediate Danger

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Winter Weather.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

Populating URBAN DICTIONARY.

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Time like these make me wish we had sprung for that apartment with a park view."

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"