Online Store Manager T-Shirts

"I have to send this back. Unfortunately, there were eight kilos between order and delivery."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Cut Price

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Early on-line shopping

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

Gerald Ratner's return

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Self-Checkout.

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'We're e-bankrupt.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"I can now fetch anything you want - on Etsy."

How much would you take off for cash?