Online Store Manager T-Shirts

"I have to send this back. Unfortunately, there were eight kilos between order and delivery."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Cut Price

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Early on-line shopping

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Gerald Ratner's return

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

Self-Checkout.

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

'We're e-bankrupt.'

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"I can now fetch anything you want - on Etsy."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"