Online Shopping Skeptics Gifts

'It was a huge mistake buying shoes over the internet: They're so uncomfortable...'

"I can't find anything on line. I'm going to the mall."

Delivery slots unavailable

How Amazon was invented

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

Internet Shoplifting

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"You get one every time you order something online."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'I found it on Craig's List.'

"It's a pitch spork. I bought it online."

"I'm just checking eBay to see if there's any movement on that new liver you need."

'Don't forget to delete cookies when you shop online!!"

Angry Joseph in school nativity play says to Innkeeper: 'No, we did not book online.'

"Even on the internet my Mom shops til she drops"

'I bought him off the Internet. Don't be alarmed if there's a small charge on your credit card.'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

"If you purchased this guy's everlasting soul, here are some of his friends who may be willing to sell you theirs."

"They looked smaller on the website."

"I'm just concerned that we're forgetting the true meaning of Cyber Monday."

"When they guaranteed delivery anywhere, anyplace, they weren't kidding."

Financial Christmas

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

'Well, we're still tweaking a few bugs in our online ordering service...'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

"...There was no such thing as ordering it through the interwebs, or whatever the heck you call it."

"And no matter how many times they got it redelivered they were never home to receive the package."

'You shop we drop.'

When online orders are delivered late...

How many Christmas gifts did you get this year? I got over a dozen. Seriously? No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts. Unless ... by "got," you meant ... I had Amazon wrap them all. I like to be surprised.

Never divulge your credit card pin number to your children!'

Bidder 2 bids £4 - 'Peel bids £5. Take that, Bidder 2.' - 'Bidder 2 bids £6.' - '£8. How you like it now, bitch, eh?!' - 'Bidder 2 bids £9.' - 'Give me the damn 'bread maker'!!!' -