Online Quibbler Gifts

"Social media is becoming more and more complicated. How am I supposed to slip a political hate comment in a discussion about baking recipes??"

The Proust of Twitter

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

The First Asshole

Unsocial Networking.

"I learned my social skills on social media. . . what's it to you anyway you stupid cow?!"

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.

"Dr. Sykes is our expert in anti-matter."

"It's the first law of social media."

'Where's the cheese?'

"Bile exits the gallbladder, passes through the cystic duct, gets released into the intestines, and, ultimately, winds up on the Internet."

"I've got about 20 pages of questionable internet comments here."

"Can't you express your outrage through hate comments? Your clothing consumption is getting expensive!"

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'This is fun, Dad -- I'm in a flame war with Vladimir Putin!'

The Twitter logo with its mouth taped shut

With Facebook doubts become certainties

The Physicist is in

"Every time I get out of my political silo and try to converse respectfully with someone who has differing views, I get whacked so hard I can't see straight!"

'Once and for all I want to know what I'm paying for. When the electric company tells me whether light is a wave or a particle, I'll write my check.'

Latest social media panic...

"No now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

I've decided to change the way I Twitter-slam "Star Wars: The Force Awakens." Pointing out plot holes that aren't really plot holes is the latest trend online. I've been tweeting "It's the same story as the original" even though it's not. That was fun. But that critique is so last month. I still don't think "If Rey's the protagonist, why did Monopoly leave her out of the board game" is a "plot hole." And since when has Luke been old?