Linguistic Quibbler Gifts

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Time Table

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"What the heck does 'gnark gort' mean? Maybe I should come back when you learn speech."

'The problem with working with pirates is understanding them: They talk really strangely...'

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

'Today I learned a little grammar in the classroom and LOTS of vocabulary on the playground!'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

'Grumphie and frijol yields an unpleasant aubade.'

'Where's the cheese?'

Mange tout or man get out

It's not like you to be late... Forgot to set my alarm cock. (Alarm cock? What did you say that for?!)

'Seven 'provided', thirteen 'buts' and twenty seven 'ifs' - this is the best stockmarket forecast to clients I've ever read.'

"You're writing in the masculine again."

German Spelling Bees

'I plan to hyphenate my name when I marry. But eventually I'd like to upgrade to a semicolon followed by a lightning bolt.'

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'What do you call a person who steals identities?', 'An 'yclept-o-maniac.''

"Social media is becoming more and more complicated. How am I supposed to slip a political hate comment in a discussion about baking recipes??"

"I can't go"

'Once and for all I want to know what I'm paying for. When the electric company tells me whether light is a wave or a particle, I'll write my check.'

'I used all the right words to describe my employee...but not necessarily in the right order.'