Linguistic Quibbler Prints

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Time Table

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'The problem with working with pirates is understanding them: They talk really strangely...'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"What the heck does 'gnark gort' mean? Maybe I should come back when you learn speech."

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

'Today I learned a little grammar in the classroom and LOTS of vocabulary on the playground!'

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"I appreciate you keeping up with the vernacular of the times, but please refrain from referring to the billion-dollar restructuring as 'The Dealio'."

'Grumphie and frijol yields an unpleasant aubade.'

It's not like you to be late... Forgot to set my alarm cock. (Alarm cock? What did you say that for?!)

'Where's the cheese?'

Mange tout or man get out

The correct expression is "May I approach the bench?" , not "May I approach the barn?"

'Seven 'provided', thirteen 'buts' and twenty seven 'ifs' - this is the best stockmarket forecast to clients I've ever read.'

"You're writing in the masculine again."

German Spelling Bees

"Hungry" isn't a strong enough word for what I am. I'm … "hawngreh"! "Fascinated" isn't a strong enough word for what I am upon hearing that. I'm … "enthralled"!

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'I plan to hyphenate my name when I marry. But eventually I'd like to upgrade to a semicolon followed by a lightning bolt.'

'What do you call a person who steals identities?', 'An 'yclept-o-maniac.''

"Social media is becoming more and more complicated. How am I supposed to slip a political hate comment in a discussion about baking recipes??"

"I can't go"

'Once and for all I want to know what I'm paying for. When the electric company tells me whether light is a wave or a particle, I'll write my check.'

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

At the rubber chicken factory. . .