Online Champions Pillows

"Those are for winning social media wars."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Second lifeReal life.

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

'When did they start giving Pulitzers for texting?'

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"Holding an open contest on social media and announcing the winner may not be the most secure way to pick a password."

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

We have your internet connection.

'Tell me something about yourself that I haven't Googled.'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Net Bubbie

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

"This is the night Marvin gets together with his online poker gang."

'Close the chat room and start your homework or I'll pull the plug and switch you to America Off-line.'

'You will tweet a tall dark stranger.'

"Stop pouting, Randy. You've survived other Internet outages before."

'The genius is that WiFi only stays on for seconds at a time.'

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it's met its match.

March of the Zoombies.

Defense Not losing Goal Offense Winning

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

'Guess Who Just Got A Hole in One?'

'This is my second Life alter ego Brian the Accountant.'

'You'll never win that contest -- you've never said anything in fifty words or less.'

"Good morning 'Best Friends Forever' breakfast club!"

I'm making extra money offering services on that freelance jobs site exploitrr.com. What're you offering, little buddy? Book promotion? Logo design? Backup services. For just $5 per thread, I'll back you up in all your online arguments. I suspect you're going to make a killing. I'll post things like you sure told him! And you're brilliant, total stranger!

"Many years ago during the Brexit debate, your grandfather was one of the greatest keyboard warriors of his time."

"You're a cyber bully."

"Wouldn't it be great if we could do this anonymously online?"

You want to play internet Scrabble? Right. But that's where I draw the line. I will not waste time with that stupid email, or internet surfing or blobbing. Blogging. that too. I just want to use the internet to crush other people with my superior vocabulary. Then brag about your vocabulary on a blob. I'll leave the flanning to you. Flamin.

"It's the latest internet challenge, 30 mins no screen time."