Online Competitor Pillows

Internet first

I'm done with the internet. But you've discovered you can used it for Scrabble and flaming people. Crushing losers in online Scrabble and making them cry is great. But it's so much less satisfying than doing so in person. Really? DON

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

Miss America IQ Pageant

City Marathon.

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

'My app just ate your widget.'

Painter's Duel.

Skateboard Olympics.

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

"Holding an open contest on social media and announcing the winner may not be the most secure way to pick a password."

Company Performance - Bonus Scheme

"And yet that's exactly what I'd like to be doing."

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

Linda sets a pick, allowing Dave a clear path to the last doughnut.

In case of computer breakdown break glass

Weapons of Mass Comparison

"Looks like mum's preparing to go on social media."

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'Staying Competitive in Business' Conference

'My turn now!'

Piggy bank at starting blocks.

"It's the latest internet challenge, 30 mins no screen time."

You want to play internet Scrabble? Right. But that's where I draw the line. I will not waste time with that stupid email, or internet surfing or blobbing. Blogging. that too. I just want to use the internet to crush other people with my superior vocabulary. Then brag about your vocabulary on a blob. I'll leave the flanning to you. Flamin.

"Honey! I;m in a thousandth place!"

"OK, Mr. Johnson, after you take the computer out of the office toilet where you threw it, try rebooting..."

'Michael, go in there and help your father before he throws another tantrum.'

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

"Those are for winning social media wars."

"No way am I less elitist than you. That is such nonsense!"

Conscientious objection.