Online Broadcaster Pillows

'Cool hey? My metamorphosis is going to be broadcasted live on the internet...'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Dialogue

If nobody had invented graphics

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Malcolm Sargent

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"The enemy of the people!"

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

Sports Radio in Crisis

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

'BBC Training course' "Repeat after me"