Online Commentator Pillows

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'I never realized how boring you were until I started following you on Twitter.'

"What's that, Eddie? You want to give thumbs up and laugh emoji to my hot take on the news?"

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

Coffee, jerk! What's the matter? Sadie discovered flaming, i.e. hostile and insulting interaction among internet users. It's been incredible. Who can sleep when you've got endless opportunity to make people feel like crud about themselves?! I also need prescription drugs and steroids. Flaming out.

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

Egguy JUMP!! 62 Eggs like this. Gr'Egg LOL. M'Egg OMG so funny!!!!! 3.

"What an idiot!"

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

Latest social media panic...

"Your father spent all morning on Twitter and no one tried to cancel him."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"Fact amnesty"

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Sports Radio in Crisis

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

Tree of Public Opinion.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Sir Patrick Moore.

Collected works

And now, for a rebuttal.