Onion Appreciator Gifts

'No more beer and onions. The whole village smells to high heaven!'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

Onion Tears

Rap-scallions

"My kid could do that."

Edvard Grieg.

Paving over the window-box

'Ocean sounds won't be heard, so that we may bring you a paid commercial program on offshore investment opportunities.'

"We're out of empanadas!"

Oliverachy - Short-lived political system where leaders were chosen by how many olives they could fit in their mouths.

'Oh boy, the pollen count is going up.'

Botanical violinist

'Granted, it's classified as a weed around here, but you have to agree its pollen is delicious...'

Perpetual Motion.

'Fresh plumsprunes.'

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

'The IV needs salt.'

'Yummy! I could eat here every day!'

"...and this is my better half...!"

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

Blooming Idiot

"It's not a new indoor dog-toilet you dummy: It's a bonsai tree..."

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

'Fill it up please. I meant the olive bowl.'

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

"Where do you see yourself in five potatoes?"

"I understand that curiosity is a good thing in non-cats."

Risk assessment offered to punters.