Olympic Spectator Champion Gifts

'He's put on over two stone watching the Olympics...'

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"I AM at my usual position."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

Cat medal presentations take a long time

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

The London Olympic bid

The Olympic Booze-a-thon.

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

Champions biting their medals

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Referees at the Original Olympics.

Honey, can you see the Olympic Village from up there?

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

'We're in luck. Not a word about steroids.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

Olympic Sabbath Torch.

Pole vaulter has had an accident on jump

Jozef Golonka

Beijing's international Olympic torch flame run.

'Really? -- the official steroid of the 2012 Olympics?'

Octopus in the bleachers.

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

'From what I can tell, it was once an Olympic Village.'

Oympics 2028 Los Angeles