Olympic Hopefuls Gifts

"Not to diminish what you've achieved in the last eighteen months of training, but it appears that the javelin roll is not an Olympic sport."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

It's okay -- I'm training for the 2020 Olympics.

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

Boy asking for bathing machine to be taken out deep so he can dive in.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Kids playing ice hockey for a medal.

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Champions biting their medals

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"I'm dating an Olympic gymnast!"

'We're in luck. Not a word about steroids.'

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'Doug is determined to make it into the U.S. bobsled team for the 2014 Olympics.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

Wake us up when the Olympics are over...

Alien abducts Olympic athlete.

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

Olympic Bubble

"Sorry, Mr. Popeye, no Olympics for you. Y'know spinach is a performance enhancing drug."