Olfactory Gifts

"Sniff, sniff, NICE! Smells like butt!"

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Claus 2.0

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Polluted geese

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'These are job perks.'

I'm a self-made man!

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Motivation to work

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Office pics on dinner table.

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."