Office Party Survivor Gifts

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

I made a fool of myself at the office party.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

21st century water cooler conversations.

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Here and There Trays

That shows business confidence.

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Party Animals.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Man at desk with two in-trays reading 'urgent' and 'too late'.

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."