Office Outliers Gifts

Man climbs a ladder only to find the word HELP.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

Do not think outside the box!

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Sorry, you failed the aptitude test.' -'Thankfully I own the company.'

'See Dick sleep on job. See Dick get fired.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

"You're late, Myers!"

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

'And I see that Derek continues to ignore our company's dress code...'

'We've got trouble, Henderson - Your people got with my people and decided they didn't need us.'

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

"Yup, marathon meetings all day."

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

"Yeah? Well, tell him that in this company Gandhi-like resistance wouldn't have worked for Gandhi, either."