Office Outlaw Gifts

"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"

"Well, J.B., we're not a successful Internet company because we're not an Internet company."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"It's nice to feel wanted though, isn't it?"

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

Do not think outside the box!

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

'Sorry, you failed the aptitude test.' -'Thankfully I own the company.'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

'There always seems to be ONE trouble-maker in the company who gets a sick thrill from rebelling against our corporate culture!'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'And I see that Derek continues to ignore our company's dress code...'

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'We've got trouble, Henderson - Your people got with my people and decided they didn't need us.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Elevator/Open Range

"Yeah? Well, tell him that in this company Gandhi-like resistance wouldn't have worked for Gandhi, either."

"If I could quit tomorrow, I'd be gone yesterday."

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'That's Fred, the new hire. He's one of those corporate renaissance types who erases organization-chart boundaries wherever he goes!'

With absolutely no warning, Phil crossed the fine line separating business from pleasure and was never heard from again.