Office Layout Strategist Gifts

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

Career opportunities

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"Uh-Oh..."

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

The rope to success.

'In my rise to the tip I was always aware of a higher power - now I feel I'm ready to take it on.'