Office Gym-goer Gifts

"Do your really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?"

Heavy Workload

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Bench Press Accident

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

Keep Fit.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

Yoga for beginners,

'What, you afraid of a little exercise?'

'Checkmate!'

'You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping lunch and jumping to conclusions won't help you tone up and lose weight.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.