Office Gym-goer T-Shirts

"Do your really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?"

Heavy Workload

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Bench Press Accident

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Still Life With Nordic Track

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

Keep Fit.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Working out in the gym,

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

How to go form fit to fat...

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

Yoga for beginners,

'What, you afraid of a little exercise?'

'Checkmate!'

'You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping lunch and jumping to conclusions won't help you tone up and lose weight.'