Office Exit Strategist T-Shirts

'Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death, should be around here at quitting time.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Career opportunities

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"Uh-Oh..."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

The rope to success.

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'In my rise to the tip I was always aware of a higher power - now I feel I'm ready to take it on.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."