Office Efficiency Gifts

"We need a better piling system."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Time Clock.

All the clutter is in my computer.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Out and In.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

Organization is not rocket science!

Time Is Money

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Inout baskets.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Maybe clean out your wallet

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.