Office Dynamics Gifts

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'We are all accountable, but some are more accountable than others.'

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"He still finds giving negative feedback really difficult!"

"He's not good at reading body language."

'Aren't you glad we had this meeting to resolve our conflict?'

Sadly, Binky didn't survive the team building 'trust' exercise!

'I assumed when we merged that we'd have our own desk.'

'What you have to understand, Ms. Titmus, is your glass ceiling is my glass floor.'

Remembers: Elevators can go down as well as up.

"Ah - there you are, Grimes. How goes the customer satisfaction survey?"

'Welcome to Change Management 101. We'll start with some free falls.'

'We're having a meeting and it will not end until we find out why no work is getting done.'

'All right, all right, Hershman, you can go attend the 'improve your negotiating skills' seminar.'

'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'

'I can't decide weather to have a feisty or a sassy management style.'

Sign reads: Don't think! Just work. I'll do the thinking!

"That was a fine report, Barbara. But since the sexes speak different languages, I probably didn't understand a word of it."

"Human Resources."

'Now, what's your complaint?'

Squeeze.

'Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean I can't always be right.'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'You're probably all wondering who I've promoted to VP of sales!'

"Does everybody know everybody?"

"I'm told that you respond very well to intimidation."

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"We are committed to stamping out sexism, so we really want you to see yourself as one of the chaps."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"At least with me, when you screw up, you know where you stand."

Communications Department.

'We finally came up with a cubicle design that really works.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.