Office Dynamics Gifts

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'We are all accountable, but some are more accountable than others.'

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"He still finds giving negative feedback really difficult!"

'Aren't you glad we had this meeting to resolve our conflict?'

"He's not good at reading body language."

'I assumed when we merged that we'd have our own desk.'

Sadly, Binky didn't survive the team building 'trust' exercise!

'What you have to understand, Ms. Titmus, is your glass ceiling is my glass floor.'

Remembers: Elevators can go down as well as up.

"Ah - there you are, Grimes. How goes the customer satisfaction survey?"

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

'Welcome to Change Management 101. We'll start with some free falls.'

"I want a bigger slice."

Sign reads: Don't think! Just work. I'll do the thinking!

'We're having a meeting and it will not end until we find out why no work is getting done.'

'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'

'All right, all right, Hershman, you can go attend the 'improve your negotiating skills' seminar.'

'I can't decide weather to have a feisty or a sassy management style.'

'You're probably all wondering who I've promoted to VP of sales!'

'Now, what's your complaint?'

'Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean I can't always be right.'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"Human Resources."

"That was a fine report, Barbara. But since the sexes speak different languages, I probably didn't understand a word of it."

Squeeze.

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Communications Department.

"At least with me, when you screw up, you know where you stand."

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

"We are committed to stamping out sexism, so we really want you to see yourself as one of the chaps."

Employee Leaves with a shoe up the bum.

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"I'm told that you respond very well to intimidation."