Office Drama Director Gifts

The fax machine had stopped and they did not know why.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"Pay attention when I'm talking to you. I see your eyes darting back and forth between me and the clock."

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Hoskins, I'd like to congratulate you on your leadership initiative... and if I didn't feel threatened, I'd keep you on.'

You want to watch it here, a lot of back-stabbing goes on.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm very disappointed in the severance package."

Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

'... and sign it 'shovingly up yours'.'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Bad news. I've been fired! I was mouthing silent obscenities at the boss and forgot we don't wear masks at work anymore."

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

'Just for the minutes did anyone manage to catch the chairman's parting words?'

'What makes you think our office is bugged?'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''