Office Diplomat Gifts

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Sarah, so I'll just repeat it a little bit louder."

'Did you get any feedback on that audit report?'

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol really can't stand Larry, Larry despises me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

"Sometimes I think the collaborative process would work better without you."

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

' I used to lead by example but it was too much work.'

"The report is damning about the lack of strong leadership... I think we need to table some time to consider the option of setting up a policy sub-commitee to look at our options..."

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

'We are all accountable, but some are more accountable than others.'

"I recommend that we seize this opportunity to redefine success."

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

'I'm in constant contact with everyone involved, every step of the way. Well...I left a message.'

"Hey, it's good to finally put a face to the obnoxious emails."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Your report just tells me what I already know. Good work. I hate surprises."

'Gee, Bill, you're not still upset about that e-mail I sent you yesterday, are you?'

"Actually we were hoping you'd encourage a more conciliatory approach to conflict management."

'This organization has a blame culture. And that's all Jeremy's fault.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'And when all else fails...'

'I think morale might imrove if you discontinued the 'loser of the week' e-mail.'

Bureaucrat/lawyer speaks legal gobbledegook to assistant with tea tray. Secretary translates: 'That'll be two sugars then.'

"I'll have someone from my generation get in touch with someone from your generation."

'How can you say I'm not a forceful communicator? At least three times a day someone leaves my office in tears.'

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'Workplace conflict?'

'I realize you were just saying what everyone was thinking . . .and if you do it again you're fired.'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

'A two-manager meeting.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.